I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
