I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
