Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nutella sex= disaster
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
