wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
