You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
