Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
