Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
