You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
