either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
