did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
