Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
