I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
