I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
