my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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