I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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