I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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