Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
