I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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