I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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