It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
