Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
