she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
