Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize