do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
