you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize