Your face is a jimmy john
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
