Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
