I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
