Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
