You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come share oat with me in your robe
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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