he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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