if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"it" just moved
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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