P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
