God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
