even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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