I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
