Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
