can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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