She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
