the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
