so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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