Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
