dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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