I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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