he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
