Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
