i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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