i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
