I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize