i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're not piercing ourselves today.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
