Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
