: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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