If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
