So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
