I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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