OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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