you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
