He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
