Ambien. No doubt about it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
