Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
