i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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