Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
