He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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