I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
