He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
