you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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