I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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