you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
