I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
