Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
